Friendships

Friendships

I've had two blog posts on my mind and no time to sit down and type so I decided today it was a must. A friend of mine shared recently they had let a friend or two "go". He mentioned he thought they were good friends. A few others shared they had done this recently themselves. It reminds me of when my Mom used to tell me "when you get older you will only have a few really good friends". Well Mom, once again, you are the wiser! Most of us grew up with a ton of friends, we ran in huge circles and had numerous "best friends". After high school, some of those friends moved away and we lost touch but others took the same effort as we did to stay friends. Then we all started getting married, divorced, having babies, sending grown children off to college, and once again, through all these changes, a few friends seemed to drop off the map as well. As life gets busier, friends become fewer and new ones are further between. Yet, there are still those who make it a point to keep in touch because they genuinely care and as a result, these are the friends who become the ever so coveted "life long friends".

So, let's have some fun and talk about the OTHER friends,

 the ones who will most certainly not wind up being "life long friends".

THE WHAT'S IN IT FOR ME FRIEND

I had to start with this one as this is one of my favorite "fake" friend types. They think they are so smooth but if we, ourselves, are true friends, we see right through the "what's in it for me" friend's shenanigans. The what's in it for me friend is the one that is always so friendly, never complains about anything, never talks to you about any "real" life things, and goes to lengths to make you feel special as they invite you to do something with them. Then, when the time comes for the planned event to take place, you get the dreaded call...something came up and could you just do one simple thing for them. Without calling out any of my own "what's in it for me" friends, I'll come up with a completely fictional example. Let's say you have planned to go to lunch and a movie. The "what's in it for me" friend stayed the night over at their boyfriend's house the night before. The boyfriend lives across town from you and your friend. Your friend sends you a text and asks if you would mind hanging out on the boyfriend's side of town instead. Sure, no problem right? I mean, the important thing is hanging out and having a great time and not where you do it. Wait for it...Here it comes..

"WHAT'S IN IT FOR THEM"

Oh and by the way, before you drive all the way across town, can you take an additional 30 to 45 minutes out of your day...because you didn't have anything better to do right??...and swing by their house to pick up all their showering needs and clothing for the next two days.

At this point, it becomes obvious the friend is only spending the afternoon with you because it was preplanned and if they weren't so lazy from the night before they would have just canceled but this is a great way for them to get you to do all the running around for them.

**Just an FYI, this is a friend you should feel confident in ditching.

A great friend would have woken up, said goodbye, driven home to get ready, and stuck to the plan or thought ahead and taken their stuff with them to meet on the boyfriend's side of town..just in case.

THE WHEN IT'S CONVENIENT FRIEND

This is another great one. This is that friend who comes and goes throughout years of "fake" friendship. You won't hear from them for years then out of nowhere they pop up as if they just spoke to you yesterday. They aren't on your FB page or if they are they are one of those non-existent FB'ers. You don't text one another. You never email. You can't remember the last time you hung out.

**Be cautious of the when it's convenient friend. See, this is an evil version of the "what's in it for me" friend. They definitely want something from you and will charm the heck out of you to get it.

THE COWORKER FRIEND

This is a tricky one. Sometimes a coworker friend can become a true and life long friend but most times they are "passing" friends. While you work closely together on a project or report to the same team or department you have a great working relationship. You become the type of friends who share with one another and instead of talking about work all the time, you have common interests and talk about life as well. You spend time together outside of work and maybe you even go through phases of texting, FB'ing, and doing lunch at least once a week. The coworker friend is actually quite a joy and pleasure to have. Unfortunately, if they aren't one who becomes a true and life long friend; you will lose touch as you complete your project, move departments, or change reporting groups.

**Be cautious of the coworker friend who always seems to ask "work" questions about people or who wants to "shop talk" when it's not appropriate. This is usually the coworker friend who could also be known as "the digger", they are just looking for information and thought maybe your past coworker friendship will give them the upper hand in getting said information.

Okay, so one more fun "fake" friend type and we'll close by recapping the most important aspects to have in a life long friendship.

THE BESTIE

Not to be confused with an actual "BFF". The bestie is a friend who names you as a "bestie" or "bff" to your face and in your communications.Of course, you and about 100 other "besties" and "bffs".  They realize they benefit in some way from knowing you or maybe there were some great times shared in the past when you genuinely thought they were going to be a life long friend. They enjoy being able to say "bestie" or "bff" about multiple people. Not because they, themselves, are a great bestie or bff but because it makes them feel good. You see, it's all about them, an interesting similarity to the "what's in it for me" or the "convenient" friends. These friends truly believe they are amazing friends and see nothing wrong in what they do. These are ones I wonder about, do they really have any life long friends? Will they ever realize the err of their ways? Will they continue to bounce through friendships and end in life alone and wonder "what did I do".

**I feel truly sorry for the "bestie" friends out there. They are missing out on so many wonderful things that come with true friendships that develop and remain for life no matter how far away, how infrequent you may be able to see one another, and they will never know what it feels like to truly have a friend who loves you as if you were family and will always be there whenever needed.

THE TRUE & LIFE LONG FRIEND

*Please understand and realize, you will only have a few of these in life & if you have more than you can count on one hand, you are either really fortunate or you should re-evaluate.

A saying someone posted on FB got me thinking about this entire topic, here it is:

"Respect people who find time for you in their busy schedule

BUT love people who never look at their schedule when you need them."

Characteristics of a true & life long friendship:

You love them & they love you despite knowing most, if not all, of your faults

They offer advice without criticism, even when you are being a total boob

No matter when the last time you hung out together was; you still talk frequently via phone, text, FB.

You aren't embarrassed to say you love each other

You invite them to family events, after all, they have become family

There is total and complete trust between you

You can call at 3 am on a Tuesday night for a ride home from the bar & you get it

Even though you had a big night planned, you ran to sit with them for the night when they received extremely bad, sad, or  shocking news.

When they need to vent about their significant other, parents, or their kids; you listen and realize they still love that person and just need to vent to a trusted confidante.

You don't run home to tell your significant other or another friend what your friend vented about in the above example and neither do they

It's been 30 years and you still make sure to call them every year on their birthday and when you've missed a year here or there because life does happen; you recognize and apologize.

You encourage one another to be the very best you can be and you support all their efforts in doing so and help them in any way possible to ensure they achieve their goals.

You stand behind them no matter what

You welcome times when you have to agree to disagree because that same difference in the two of you is what makes you such great friends to begin with.

This list can go on and one.

What's your favorite type of "fake" friend?

What characteristics do you find important in a true and life long friendship?

Comment below and share with us.